do these socks match?

More so than ever before I have found myself being particularly nostalgic and reflective the past 7 weeks. This is largely due to having no other options as recovering from ankle surgery means there is a lot of time to sit on the couch and think about deep things. Of course out of boredom my thoughts have even managed to settle on wondering what type of thoughts were really going through my Cairn Terriers head. A large portion of this unwanted but unavoidable downtime has also been spent dedicated to teaching Benny and Sally stupid dog tricks. Learned something very important here...they will do almost anything for the right kind of treat.

When my mind is not drifting off to random unless thoughts, an equally large portion of my time has been spent trying to answer the very simple question, "what the hell am I doing with my life." Its a very simple question, but when there is not much else to do for 7 weeks, my mind tends to go into great depths answering this question. After 7 weeks of pondering and deep thought the answer is no closer than it was at the beginning of the quest for knowledge. However, one very key conclusion has been reached, I want things to be different.

For the past 6 years I have been fighting, not physically, and not with most people. Rather, for the past 6 years since losing Nicole a dark cloud of anger has covered nearly every thought and every part of my soul. Six years later and I do not even recognize the person I used to be before Nicole died. Before it seems that I am about to launch on a self-defeating trirade, let me make a disclaimer. That disclaimer is that I am proud of the growth I have made as a person and I feel I have dealt with and handled Nicole's death in the best way that I can. What I mean by the statement that I do not even recognize the person I am not compared to the person I was before Nicole died.

Somebody described me 8 years ago as an upbeat, positive, and outgoing person. 8 years later, I am more outgoing than I used to be. But, these days the glass always seems to be half empty. The glass was never even close to being half empty before Nicole died. This is where the dark cloud of anger comes into the picture. Over the past 7 weeks I have concluded that I am ready to stop 'fighting' with the world. For the first time in years I am seeing the glass as half-full again. Its a refreshing feeling.


So, the ankle. Knee surgery is far easier than ankle surgery. Never thought those words would come out of my mouth. There really is not much to report until after my appointment on the 17th. After that things should start to progress a little bit more.

So in the meantime, I have spent the past few days making sure I can find my right shoes. They are lonely. On the downside, not I am going to have to make sure my socks match in the morning.